Can't Do This Anymore
by susieq666
Summary: Horatio's annual medical throws up an unwelcome surprise, and his superiors take unexpectedly harsh action. Can a man used to action ever settle into a desk job? And, if he can't, what's the future for him? This is dedicated to jasmine105, who sowed the idea.
1. Chapter 1

CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE

Chapter 1

Horatio sat in the waiting area outside the PD Medical Center, feeling… nervous. It was stupid to feel so. The annual medicals were compulsory. He begrudged the time, but it was more than that. It was the same feeling he had had on the only two occasions he had taken polygraph tests. A feeling of being about to get caught out, even if there was nothing to catch. Anyway, his health had always been good - he'd never had problems passing a medical.

They always followed the same pattern. A long interview - not a psychiatric one, although he knew he could be referred if the doctor deemed it appropriate. A review of the samples, including blood, that he had supplied a couple of days earlier. Then a full physical, including lung function and an ECG, both before and after some modest exercise.

He was conscious that he had passed his fifty-seventh birthday this year. Sixty was the recommended, though not mandatory, age for an officer of his rank to pull back from the front line. Desk job… Or, in his case, lab job maybe. He dreaded the thought… In truth, he managed not to think about it.

At least he'd get Richard Evans, the top man in the medical center. He'd seen him for the last five or so years, and found him sensible, down-to-earth and helpful, rather than a nit-picking, by-the-book man. He appeared to understand what drove men like Horatio, and did his best, within the rules, to make sure they carried on doing what they did best.

Now Horatio sat across the desk from him and tried not to fiddle with his fingers as he watched the doctor perusing his notes.

"Well, my friend," he said at last, "you've had a bad year."

"I suppose so."

"No one could call it good. Shot a year ago… Poisoned back in May…"

"I'm okay though."

The doctor peered over his glasses. "We'll see."

"I was signed off as fit both times."

Horatio did not want to dwell on either event, but the doctor had other ideas. "No repercussions?"

"Not really. You've got the notes."

Richard Evans chuckled. "I have. A truly Horatio Caine series of events… if I may say so. Both times discharged from hospital and back at work sooner than was wise. Both times put back in hospital with infections."

"Yes, well… I hate hospitals."

"I could lecture you about them knowing their job… But it would fall on deaf ears, I imagine."

Horatio smiled. "Probably."

"Tell me about this poisoning - how did that happen?"

"Oh, stupid really…. A woman took a fancy to me… stalked me a bit… When I rejected her advances, she took revenge. I suppose I was a bit careless."

"I don't suppose you could have seen that coming. Did it make it to court?"

"Yes. Ten years, for assault."

"And how do you feel about it?"

"Psychiatry now, Richard?" Horatio raised his eyebrows. "I'm fine. Be more careful in future."

"And you're eating normally now?"

"I am now. It took a while."

"I can see." He referred back to the notes. "That was a serious weight-loss."

"You told me I should lose weight…"

"I did. When you had a belly out to here… Just not quite as much as that. Anyway, let's examine you…"

Stripped to his boxers, Horatio submitted to the full battery of tests as required, ending with the ECG. As usual, Richard was silent as he worked, while Horatio concentrated on relaxing, determined not to let stress spike his pulse rate or blood pressure. Although, he gathered, allowances were made for that.

"Okay…" The doctor said at last. "Get dressed, and come and sit down…"

As he sat down, he murmured flippantly, "Will I live?"

"Oh, I think so. You're not in bad shape, for a man…"

"Of my age?"

"I was going to say, for a man in your line of work. But, yes, you're fifty-seven… The wear and tear is beginning to show… a little." He took his glasses off and studied the man opposite. "Have you had any breathing problems? Or chest pain?"

"None. Why?"

"There's a slight anomaly on this trace… More obvious after exertion." He indicated the ECG printout. "May be nothing, but I'm going to send you up to the Dade Memorial Cardiac Unit for a bit more investigation."

"Richard, please! I'm fine…"

"You probably are, but you know I have to do this. I'm sorry, Horatio…"

"Does this go on the record?"

"You know how it works. Medical details are confidential as always, but… if I find a person is unfit for duty - or their current duties - I have to report it. It's why we do this…"

"I know. But I'm not unfit."

"No, I don't think you are. What I have to do is… sort of 'grade' you. You've always come out right at the top… I've never had to indicate any problems…" He smiled at Horatio's expression. "We're not there yet - let's see if we've got anything to be concerned about or not."

"You'll tell me, before you tell them?"

"Of course I will. Just do this, Horatio. Come and see me in about a week and we'll talk about it. Okay?"

"Have to be, don't I?"

"Yes, you do. I'm sorry."

Horatio sighed. "Not your fault, Richard."


	2. Chapter 2

CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE

Chapter 2

One skill that came from years of police work, was an ability to lie. _Shouldn't have done it, Horatio…_

He walked back to the Hummer, got in and closed the door, but did not immediately start the engine. He hadn't really meant to lie. So, he had got out of breath when climbing six flights of stairs in an apartment block… the elevator was out of order… Eric had teased him, gently, about getting old. True, he had had to take a breather… but what man in his fifties wouldn't have?

Anyway, it was why he had the youngsters around - Eric and Ryan… They could run all day - Eric even ran for pleasure - which he couldn't, not anymore. His limitations had been brought home to him quite alarmingly, when he and Frank Tripp - both of them over fifty - had, unexpectedly, encountered a young suspect… who had made a run for it…

xxxxxxxxxx

_(Some weeks earlier…)_

Frank muttered, "Damn it!" as they admitted that their teenage quarry had well and truly given them the slip. Panting, they both leant on the Hummer.

"Where… the hell… are the uniforms?" Horatio gasped.

Frank chuckled. "Are you okay?"

"I was never built for speed," he muttered. He clapped a hand to his chest, trying to regain his breath.

Frank shook his head, and turned away, heading for his own car. "Well, we've lost him - I'll give it to uniform. See you back at the ranch."

Horatio opened the Hummer's door and hauled himself into the driving seat. It was all very well to joke, but he was finding it hard to steady his breathing. He could feel his heart fluttering. He groped in the side pocket and pulled out a bottle of water, took a gulp, coughed, held his chest again, and murmured, "Jesus…"

Resting his head on the steering wheel, he tried to breathe normally. Gradually, the panting subsided, and he reached for the keys to start the vehicle. A sudden wave of nausea flooded him, and he let his hand fall from the keys.

He risked a deeper breath. His chest hurt and he felt sweat running down his body. His immediate thought was a heart attack. He glanced over to where Frank had been parked, but the detective's car had already left.

He muttered, "Oh no… Please… no…", lay back in the seat and closed his eyes. He felt in his pocket for his cell, ready to call for help.

But the pain was easing, the sickness receding. He dropped the phone back into his pocket. After a further two or three minutes he felt well enough to start the Hummer and drive to the lab. And, once there, apart from a faint residual headache, he felt fine. Nevertheless, he went straight to his office, to make sure he also looked okay - he did - and to change his sweat-soaked shirt.

He glared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. "Over-reacting, Caine," he said sternly.

xxxxxxxxx

He had more or less put the incident out of his mind, assuming he'd eaten lunch too fast, or drunk too much coffee. It hadn't happened again. And, if he ever thought about it, he shrugged it off as a natural effect of getting older, and resolved not to chase teenage suspects on foot.

But now… He started the Hummer and headed back to the Crime Lab. It was hard to concentrate, and fortunate that Calleigh immediately wanted his input on a current case. At least it took his mind off it.

Two days later, telling no one, he attended Dade Memorial for comprehensive tests. Some of them upped his pulse and breathing rates considerably, and he was relieved to have no adverse effects. He began to shake off the worry that Richard Evans had instilled in him. _Probably nothing…_

In fact, 'nothing' was what he expected to hear, when he again faced the PD doctor.

"Well? It's nothing, right?"

"It's not 'nothing'. But not too serious either… Are you sure you haven't had any chest pain?"

"Well… Once." He repeated the details of the episode.

Richard Evans smiled, shaking his head. "You can't hide these things in the face of modern technology. You, of all people, should know that…"

"I know, I'm sorry… I sort of assumed it was indigestion. What was it - not a heart attack?"

"No, nothing so serious. Mild angina, from what you describe. And that's borne out by the hospital."

"So not serious?"

"Only if we let it go. Medication, for now… If it gets worse, maybe surgery… But it's very common."

"Do you have to report it?"

Richard sighed. "Sorry, Horatio. I've got to make a non-specific report that you need to… slow down… in layman's terms."

"But they'll put me behind a desk!" He felt ridiculously panicky. "Richard, please! You know what my job means to me…"

"No one's taking your job away. Slow down a bit, that's all… I'll make the report as positive as I can."

"It might not help."

"I thought you were their star player. Why would anyone want to stop you doing it?"

"Not political enough… I've upset some of the wrong people over the years. They may well see it as a golden opportunity. And - as you keep pointing out - I'm pushing sixty. You know as well as I do that they don't like sixty-year olds in the field."

"For good reason."

"I know… I just… can't see myself behind a desk all day. Or even in the lab all day… Richard, for God's sake… Do you have to do this? If I take the medication…?"

"Horatio… It'll keep it under control - for now. But you're heading into heart attack territory. I'd be irresponsible not to do something about it…"

"But _I'll_ take responsibility."

"And I'd lose my job. I've got no leeway here. There are things that I can gloss over, and things I have to report…" He watched the distraught Horatio for a few moments. "It might not be as bad as you think - they might not do anything at all… Me making a report doesn't _require_ action on anyone's part. I know for a fact there are often no repercussions at all, other than more frequent check-ups… You could live with that…?"

Horatio ran a hand over his face. "I know you have to do your job, Richard." He stood up. "I just hope they'll let me go on doing mine." He forced a smile. "So when will I know?"

"I'll get a report in tomorrow. After that, it's 'wait and see', I'm afraid." He hesitated. "This is a pretty dumb thing to say, in the circumstances, but try not to worry about it. And, if you want to talk, I'm here."


	3. Chapter 3

CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE

Chapter 3

They were the longest few days of his life. In a way, he was lucky that the lab was very busy, but off-duty, in the evenings, he felt as if he was a condemned man, waiting for the ax to fall. The call from Assistant Chief Hernandez was almost a relief.

Hernandez was a big man, who seemed to believe the firmness of a man's handshake was a measure of his masculinity. Horatio almost winced as his hand was gripped.

"Good to see you, Lieutenant… Sit down."

Horatio sat, saying nothing.

"I expect you wonder why you've been summoned…"

_Not really… _Aloud, he said, "I expect you'll soon tell me, Chief."

"How does Captain Caine sound? Has rather a ring to it…"

His eyebrows went up. "You're offering me promotion?"

"We are. You've more than earned it."

"Sorry, Chief, but what's the catch?"

"No catch. Higher salary. Bigger pension."

"Same job?"

"Aahh… We've been working on restructuring the Miami crime labs… not just Dade…"

"And?"

"You're very suspicious, Lieutenant."

"Goes with the job…" He kept his tone polite with difficulty. He recognised only too easily that he was being manipulated. But the man was his boss…

"Well, we need someone to oversee the reorganization… It'll mean working with three other labs… Combining some resources…"

Horatio hesitated. He wanted to ask if it was all to do with his medical, but supposing it wasn't…? He'd hate to give them ammunition. "You'd be taking me away from my lab…"

"With respect, Horatio… Our lab…"

"Chief, I set it up, I've run it for ten years…"

"I know, and you've done a wonderful job."

_Done… Past tense…_

"Can I turn it down?"

Chief Hernandez looked annoyed. "I can't make you take a promotion. The restructuring will be going ahead regardless. We need to make savings…"

"So if I don't take it… What happens?"

"To you? You can stay in your current job until we finish the reorganization… Six months… After that… We probably won't be able to justify having a lieutenant in charge of a single facility. We'll find a slot for you. Or you can take early retirement, if you prefer…"

Despite half-expecting it, he felt as if he'd been punched in the stomach. Feeling he had nothing much left to lose, he said quietly, "Is this because of my medical?"

"It was one factor. I don't want you in a front-line position for much longer."

"I enjoy the front-line…"

"I know you do. So did I."

"But you weren't forced out of it, I imagine…"

"That's true." He paused, regarding the man sitting opposite him. "You're shocked… Do you want some time to think about it?"

Suddenly unable to form a coherent reply, and hating the fact that he sensed Hernandez felt sorry for him, Horatio nodded and stood up.

Hernandez added, "Get back to me - forty-eight hours. If you want to know more about the job, and the restructuring, talk to my assistant…"

Horatio fled. Yes, he'd expected something like it, but the shock was still profound. _We'll find a slot for you…_ He wasn't given to flattering himself, but he'd somehow thought he was worth more than that. Knowing it all showed in his face, and needing somewhere to go, he found himself outside the Medical Center.

He hesitated, then went in. "Is Richard Evans available?"

Now he sat opposite the doctor, nursing a cup of coffee, and feeling like crying.

Weakly, he murmured. "Hernandez just offered me a promotion…"

"Take it. Take their money… But that's not why you're shaking like a wet puppy…"

Despite himself, Horatio smiled. "Am I? I don't do 'wet puppy'." Then, seriously, "I don't know why I'm so shocked. I knew they'd do something like that…"

"They've taken your job?"

He nodded. "Virtually. Offered me an admin role… I suppose it's a good job… If I turn it down… He said they'd 'find a slot for me'…"

"Ouch. That's cruel…"

"I thought so. Still…" He sighed. "I've never cozied up to the right people… My fault…"

"None of this is your fault. And Hernandez is an insensitive boor - though don't quote me. I'm just so sorry I had to trigger it…"

"Not your fault my heart's giving up."

"It isn't. Don't exaggerate."

"I kind of wish it would."

"No, you don't. Come on… you're tough… I know you're shocked - and I admit they've been harder on you than I ever thought they would be… But just think it through… Is this new job worth having? Could it be interesting?"

He smiled ruefully. "I never got as far as asking. I'm sorry, Richard. I'm making a fool of myself…"

"No, you're not. And even if you were, it won't go outside this room." He regarded him sympathetically, then got up and went to a drugs cabinet. He handed Horatio a single pill. "Take this."

"What is it?"

"Nothing that will hurt you. I just don't want to see this level of stress in you."

They sat in silence for a while. At last, the doctor said, "Feel better? Well, calmer…"

"Yes, I'm sorry. You're right, I need to think about it properly."

"So you won't throw that badge in someone's face and walk out… Not yet, anyway?"

"No. I was tempted. But, Richard, I've been a cop for thirty years. I can't be anything else."

"Have you got someone to talk to about it? Someone outside the department?"

He thought for a moment. "I might have."

Horatio walked down to the parking lot and got into the Hummer. There, he pulled out his cell phone and made two calls. The first, to the chief's assistant, asking for all details of the proposed lab changes to be sent to him. Yes, he could have gone back upstairs and fetched them in person… He just wasn't sure his composure would hold. The second call was to Alexx Woods.


	4. Chapter 4

CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE

Chapter 4

Alexx Woods had been his friend for a long time. Not that he saw her that often. But when he did, at family meals or barbecues, or sports events for her children, she never failed to make him feel he was one of a warm loving family. And that was a feeling he experienced increasingly rarely. At one time, his sister-in-law, Yelina, had provided it too, but she seemed more remote now. With his nephew away at college, he suspected she had found a new man. Well, good luck to her… But, if that was the case, she sure as hell wouldn't want her brother-in-law hanging around… So he saw very little of her. Which left Alexx…

Even though he enjoyed the times he spent with her, they were a mixed blessing, serving to remind him just how lonely his life had become. It wasn't really something he dwelt on, and there wasn't a lot he could do about it anyway. Work, which he still enjoyed, filled a lot of his time. He had little social life, although he sometimes went for a drink with Frank Tripp. And, mostly, he didn't mind his own company. Just occasionally, like now, he needed someone to talk to, someone outside the department…

He had to leave a voicemail for Alexx. He sat in the car, for once not wanting to go back to the lab. It was late afternoon - he could easily invent an excuse not to go back in. That would mean taking the Hummer home, and the powers-that-be hated that… Well, screw them… At that moment he felt disinclined to oblige anyone in authority. He rang the lab. Normally he would speak to Calleigh, but this time he simply left a message at Reception, and drove home.

He had just got in when Alexx Woods phoned him. Her warm voice immediately lifted his spirits.

"Horatio, honey… I was going to call you…"

"You were?"

"Oh, the kids are having a bit of a party on Saturday. They wanted you to come…."

"I'll try…"

"So what's up?"

"Why is anything 'up', Alexx?"

"Well… because you almost never call out of the blue… And because, even in a thirty-second voicemail, you sounded incredibly depressed…"

"You know me too well, Alexx."

"So talk to me, sweetie."

"You got time to come over?"

He could sense her mentally rearranging her busy schedule, and felt guilty, but before he could back-track, she said, "Of course… About half-six okay?"

Now they sat on the balcony, enjoying the slightly cooler temperatures of the evening.

Alexx broke the silence. "So what's troubling you, honey?"

He gave a small chuckle. "They've offered me a promotion… Captain Caine… What do you reckon?"

"Sounds good to me."

"Sounds like something out of Marvel comics."

She didn't laugh. "But that's not what's upsetting you…"

It took a bit of gentle prompting, but ultimately he was glad enough to share the whole story with her. "So that's it, Alexx… They want me out."

"Horatio…" She took his hand. "Maybe they do and maybe they don't. I would say this - they've hardly engineered a major restructuring of departments just to make life difficult for you. If that's what's going to happen, wouldn't you rather have some control over it?"

"You think they'll give me control?" He said it more harshly than he meant.

"They've offered you the job… and the promotion… Captain…"

"I haven't accepted it yet, Alexx."

They fell silent for a while. A silence which Horatio broke. "Am I being stupid about this?"

"No, of course not. You think I don't know what that place means to you? They're trying to take you away from something that's been your life for a long time… Added to that, you've had a shock about your health…"

"Richard Evans seemed to think it's manageable…"

"And it is. Manageable and quite common… But not ignorable, though I know you'd like to."

"So you think I should just roll over?"

"Honestly, Horatio? I can't see you've got many options… You could resign - you could even make a scene about resigning… but what good will that do you? You might feel better - for about five minutes. From what you say, your current position in the lab is simply not going to exist for much longer. So you have to make the best of it."

"You think their offer was completely genuine then?"

"I think… they probably seized an opportunity. I'm not sure they're doing you much of a favor. I can't imagine that overseeing this reorganization is going to make you many friends…"

He raised his eyebrows.

Alexx continued. "Well, there'll be redundancies, relocations…. I imagine… If they're trying to save money…"

"I hadn't thought…"

She smiled sadly. "Horatio, you haven't thought this through… at all. Look, you've been hit with a health problem and the loss of your lab, all at once… You're not thinking logically, and I can't say I'm surprised. There could hardly have been a more brutal way to tell you."

"I've had worse, Alexx."

"Yes, you have. And you've coped. Which is why you need to take a deep breath on this, and start again. Your health… not that bad… as you said, 'manageable'. Your job… being phased out. But - and it's a big 'but' - they've offered you a promotion and an important, if possibly unpopular, role… Now, whether you _want_ it or not, I can't say… But I think you should stop thinking it's totally negative…"

He chuckled then. "You've just about got me weighed up, haven't you, Alexx?"

"Always did have, honey."

"Thank you, Alexx…."

"What you needed to hear?"

He nodded. "What I needed to hear." He paused. "Have you eaten?"

She smiled at him. "Why, Lieutenant… or Captain… Are you inviting me to dinner?"

"Only if the little Italian round the corner suits - I'm not dressing up…"

"Well, nor me." She gestured to her own casual dress, although, to Horatio, she always looked immaculate. "The little Italian sounds just fine."


	5. Chapter 5

CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE

Chapter 5

The following day, Horatio shut his office door, and opened the 'Confidential' papers that had arrived from Hernandez' assistant. The proposals were radical, the plans seemingly well advanced. He soon understood that they expected the smallest of the labs to be closed, while all the main lab functions would divided between Dade and the other two. Thus all ballistics and trace would be in one location, all AV work in another… His immediate reaction was that it was a recipe for total chaos. One case might have evidence in three different places. There would be no team meetings round a layout table, no brain-storming sessions. He simply didn't believe the proposer's assertion that video conferences would do the job.

In his opinion, the proposals had clearly been drawn up by someone with no concept of CSI work. In fact, since the only pages that made any sense were the financial ones, he assumed authorship had rested heavily on accountants. Figures were not Horatio's strongest suit, but the intention here was obvious - a near thirty percent cost saving. He studied the proposed staffing levels, and realised he was looking at something like forty redundancies.

_And a near zero crime solving rate… _He hardly knew where to begin. The temptation to storm over to Headquarters and yell at Hernandez over the stupidity of the plan was strong. Except he knew it wouldn't have the slightest effect… Then he remembered he hadn't even accepted the job yet. He went back to the beginning of the document, and tried to study it more carefully. By lunchtime, he was so upset at what seemed to be wanton destruction of something he held dear, that he got in the car and drove to the beach, trying to clear his head.

He stared at the sea for an hour. Gradually, he realised he had only two options. The first was to resign, turn his back on it, refuse to witness the demise of criminal investigation as he knew it. The second was to take the job he had been offered, and try to make something workable out of the situation. He smiled bleakly. If the aim had been to take him out of stressful situations, it had probably backfired. He realised this would be a hard and thankless task, and one at which he might very well fail.

Still, fear of failure had never stopped him. He phoned Chief Hernandez.

"I don't like your plans," he said bluntly.

"I didn't think you would…"

"If I take this on, how much flexibility have I got? Can I change the proposals?"

"Horatio, meet that bottom line, and you can do what the hell you like. Does that mean you're taking the job?"

"Yes. And the promotion." _Damn them - they can at least pay a captain's salary for this one…_

"Glad to have you on board, Captain. Do you want an office over here?"

"Certainly not."

"All right, but keep in mind that the actual plans are still confidential. I'll expect weekly briefings - in person. If you've got new proposals, bring them to me soon… and just meet that bottom line. If you can find a way for us to have our cake and eat it, you're even more of a miracle worker than some people think you are." His tone implied he didn't share those beliefs.

Confidential, yes… But it was clear he had to free up his own time. Horatio drove back, and called in Calleigh and Eric.

"I've been put on a special assignment… so I'm not going to be doing day-to-day CSI work," he explained. "Sorry, but it's going to fall on you two particularly."

"How long for?" Calleigh asked.

"May be as long as six months." _Or not, if I upset too many people in the mean time…_

"We'll be stretched, Horatio… Can we get any temps in?"

"I'm sorry, no. We're going to have to make the best of it. If it means prioritizing cases, then so be it. Look, I'll be working from here, although I will be out a lot, later. If you're really desperate, come to me. But it's something I have to do… not much choice… Calleigh, you're obviously my deputy, so you're in charge as of now… Eric, you're Calleigh's deputy, so I expect you to offer as much support as you can. I know it won't be easy…"

As they left, the thought crossed his mind that they were the first of the many people he was going to make unhappy over the next few months. It also occurred to him that he hadn't mentioned his promotion.

He sighed, and re-opened the confidential papers.

xxxxxxxxxx

It wasn't really a kids' party, just a family barbecue… Alexx's friends and neighbours. Lots of children and teenagers. Horatio wasn't in the mood, and had almost cried off, but Alexx had asked, so he went. Now he stood watching, a cold beer in one hand, a burger in the other, trying to stay as far away from the relentlessly loud music as he could. His thoughts kept straying back to his current project, however hard he tried to keep it at bay, at least for one evening. In the last two days, his progress had been one big circle. To save money, duplicated facilities had to be combined. If facilities were combined, people became redundant… Which was what the report had said in the first place… On Monday, he'd try a fresh approach…

"You okay, Horatio?" Alexx's voice interrupted his thoughts, while her hand gently rubbed his back.

"Fine. Sorry… miles away…" He smiled at her, then indicated the booming loudspeakers. "I don't understand how they're not all deaf by twenty."

"I've concluded eardrums must be made differently these days - a process of natural evolution. In fact, I might write a paper on it," she joked. Then, speaking quietly. "So… did you make a decision?"

"Well, I've taken the job… for better or worse. Probably worse."

"Want to talk?"

"Not yet. Suffice to say, you were right - it's pretty much a poisoned chalice…"

She nodded thoughtfully. "So, am I entertaining Captain Caine?"

He chuckled. "I suppose you are. I haven't told anyone yet."

xxxxxxxxxx

On Monday, Horatio strolled round the crime lab, thinking what a wonderful facility it was, since the rebuild. A vague idea had formed in his mind over the weekend… Along the lines of bringing everything into the Dade lab… But he knew, without looking, that the facility was at full capacity, both in terms of staff, and cases handled. In fact, a few areas were known to be over-crowded. To a layman - which he was in terms of architecture - the building seemed to have wasted space, though it was impossible not to admire the stunning glass walls, high ceilings, the long curved atrium… It was a showpiece, but not one that lent itself to expansion. Anyway, that solution was so obvious, he assumed it must have been considered and rejected. But not by him, not yet. He wondered what the smaller labs were like - he knew they functioned more or less as satellites of Dade - and accepted he ought to visit them soon. He went back to his office. This time, he put the documentation aside and switched on the computer. He pulled up the plans for his own lab - he still felt it was his - and sat staring at them.


	6. Chapter 6

CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE

Chapter 6

Horatio's first visit to one of the outlying labs had not been a success. At least, that's how it felt. He was home now, lying on his sofa, re-reading his notes. He had expected to be met with suspicion. He had not expected downright hostility…

The North Shore lab was small, just twenty-two people. The smallest of the three, he knew he was expected to close it down. While the plans were still unfinalised and unpublished, rumors were clearly rife. The man in charge, a surly forty year old Hispanic, was barely polite to him. He supposed he understood. Having a captain from the Dade crime lab descend on them was hardly likely to be welcome. He soon abandoned attempts at friendliness, and concentrated on collecting hard facts.

In truth, it had been depressing. The facility was not much more than a fingerprint clearing station. It could just about handle DNA, though it had little of the expensive equipment his own lab took for granted. He had approached the visit as a chance to meet with the employees, work out who could be relocated, who he might have to target for redundancy… He had hoped to watch their work, and make his decisions accordingly. Instead, he met a wall of resentment, and a singular lack of co-operation. He could have learnt more by reading the employee records.

He threw his papers on the floor and lay back with a sigh. He felt profoundly ill-equipped to do this job… And tomorrow, he had to report to Chief Hernandez. With nothing to report. His chest felt tight, and he absently massaged it. He hadn't given much thought to his health in the last few days. Apart from avoiding running upstairs, and such, he wasn't making any allowances for it. But this was beginning to hurt. Clearly not exertion this time, so it had to be stress. Which was even more depressing…

He got to his feet, went into the bedroom and retrieved the pill bottle from his suit pocket. One tablet under the tongue… He went back and sat down, feeling dizzy and nauseous, though nowhere near as bad as the time in the car… Within five minutes, the pain had subsided, leaving slight nausea and the beginnings of a headache in its wake. He was tempted just to go to bed, but knew he had to prepare something for his meeting the next day.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Hernandez seemed amused that Horatio was having problems, and he wondered if he had, in fact, been set up as a scapegoat. It was certainly possible. Not that it would work the way they wanted - people messing with him tended to bring out his stubborn streak.

But he had to admit his lack of progress.

"So how was North Shore?"

Horatio wondered how Hernandez knew he'd been there. "Depressing."

"Then you know why we earmarked it for closure."

"I do. But it's not that simple, is it? There are twenty-two jobs at stake there. Twenty-two livelihoods…"

"Even you aren't going to be able to get round the redundancies, Horatio… It'll be a case of deciding who, that's all."

"That's what I hoped to make some headway on…". He smiled ruefully. "I wasn't exactly welcomed."

"Are you surprised?"

Horatio sighed. "Yes, I think I was. But I won't be next time."

"So… Are you going along with the original plans?"

"Not yet. I'm working on something…"

It was Hernandez' turn to sigh. "All right. Just don't take too long about it. I believe we considered all the possibilities. I can't see you're going to come up with something new…"

"You never know, Chief… I might surprise you."

"Oh, I've no doubt about that. One way or another."

Horatio bought a sandwich and drove back to the lab. In his office, he was just making coffee, when Calleigh knocked. She opened the door a crack, but seemed reluctant to come in.

"I'm sorry to disturb you…"

"Come in." He hated the change his new role was forcing on their relationship. "I'm not working - just grabbing some lunch. You got problems?"

"I've got three potential crime scenes at the same time… I trust Eric to process on his own… And I can do one. I'm sorry, Horatio, I know you said prioritize, but I can't just ignore one. I could send Ryan and Walter - Natalia's away - but the main labs will be completely empty…" She smiled unhappily. "I just want a bit of advice."

"Well, I don't like solo processing… It's risky, and things get missed."

"One looks like a traffic accident… so the traffic cops are all there to help…"

Horatio thought for a moment. "All right. Send Eric to that - suggest he takes Frank Tripp with him, if he can. You take Walter to the next. I'll take Ryan to the third. The lab can stand being understaffed for a couple of hours."

"Can you spare the time?"

"Wouldn't offer if I couldn't…"

He knew he was putting off the inevitable, but he also knew he could make the time up that evening - he'd probably work at home. And it was good to be out at a crime scene again, even if he wasn't supposed to be.

In fact, the outing seemed to clear his thinking a bit. He acknowledged he had become what he thought of as muddle-headed. It could happen - you went off in too many directions at once, and took nothing to its conclusion. He had seen it happen with inexperienced CSIs at a crime scene… oh, there's a tire track - need to take a cast - or would a photograph do? - get the camera - and is that blood? - get a swab - or test it first… And so it went on. He recognised the flaw in himself now. He'd gone chasing after the idea of redundancies without any clear idea of what skills and how many personnel he needed to shed.

He took a metaphorical deep breath and started again. And he went old school. Before leaving for home, he had covered his desk with sheets of paper. He had no doubt that Dave Benton could have conjured up the same information on the huge display screens, and manipulated them in any way he wished, but that was hardly possible this time. And he wanted to take stuff home with him. For once, low-tech suited him fine.

Using the personnel records from all the labs, including Dade, he had noted the number of people in each skill set - how many ballistics specialists did the city have in total, how many trace analysts - together with a rough idea of their levels of experience. He deliberately avoided names and ages. For now. He went through every department, down to filing clerks and catering staff. He had to make cuts. Nobody had said where they had to be.

At home, he changed out of his work clothes, had dinner, then sat on the floor, with the papers spread round him. And, out of the blue, like a ray of light, came the realization that he was enjoying himself. And his chest didn't hurt a bit.


	7. Chapter 7

CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE

Chapter 7

Surprised at himself, he continued to enjoy the work. Something he had crudely labelled as 'admin' was actually, in this case, a big puzzle. He liked puzzles. He was, however, increasingly worried about Calleigh. He was conscious that the lab was stretched, that she was putting in extra hours, and that she was - predictably - fighting shy of asking for his help. He was even more conscious that she was going through the process of adopting the North children. She had never discussed with him how she intended to combine work and motherhood, but he knew he could hardly have chosen a worse time to put the extra responsibility on her. Though he hadn't had a lot of choice.

Much as he disliked going behind someone's back, he approached Eric. He had been surprised, though pleased, when his two colleagues had rekindled their on-off relationship. Not that he was sure how 'rekindled' it was. He knew they weren't living together, but, equally, he knew Eric had offered his unqualified support with regard to this adoption. He considered it none of his business - if they could make something that worked, then he was happy for them.

Now, with Calleigh out of the lab, he invited Eric to his office.

"Coffee?" he offered.

"Please."

"Still take it strong enough to strip paint?"

Eric chuckled. "Of course."

Horatio turned to the coffee-maker, hiding a smile at Eric's not-so-subtle attempts to look at his computer, and his disappointment at seeing only the screensaver. Eric Delko was a great criminalist. And his brother-in-law. Horatio loved the man, but he would have been the first to admit that Eric was irredeemably nosey.

He handed him the coffee, and sat down. "How's Calleigh doing?"

"Fine. She's run the lab before…" Eric was also loyal.

"I'm not trying to catch anyone out, Eric. And this is off the record. I just wondered… with the adoption, if I did the wrong thing giving her the extra responsibility."

"I'm helping her. I mean, with the kids too. Although, I think…" He hesitated.

"Trust me," Horatio said gently.

"Well, I think she was going to ask for reduced hours… before…"

"Before I dropped this on her."

Eric nodded.

"If I tell you I had no choice in this…"

"I believe you, H. And, anyway, you've still been doing a bit of case work, when you said you wouldn't be able to."

"I can keep up with both. To a point…" He sighed. "Really not sure what to do here, Eric. Ideas?"

"You said we couldn't have extra staff…"

"Maybe I have to reconsider. Would it help? It would be someone a lot less qualified than you two."

"There's a lot of leg-work we could shift… Yes, I think it would help."

"Okay. Leave it with me. I can't make her any promises - I've got nothing in the budget for this…" _But I have got my new captain's salary… if all else fails… _It wasn't how things should be done, he knew, but he didn't really need the salary increase at the moment, and it might, after all, be one of the last things he could do for Calleigh Duquesne. But he'd try official channels first.

With a heavy heart, he saw Eric out, and turned back to the reorganization plans, hoping to recapture his earlier enthusiasm.

With the advantage of actually knowing how all departments in the lab worked, (well, aside from catering - he admitted he'd have to wing it with that one…) he was able to work the numbers into a form that started to make sense. Enough staff, but not too many. Enough to increase the case load, not so many that people would be duplicating effort, or treading on each other's toes. In theory, he could make forty-seven redundant. It was still a bit theoretical, because he hadn't yet worked out the savings involved. But a bigger problem loomed. To make it work, he now had to fit an extra fifty-one people into - ideally - the existing Miami-Dade lab, a facility already at full capacity…

He was tired today. He decided not to take work home. He was just clearing his desk, locking papers away, and closing the computer down, when there was a knock at the office door.

Eric looked in at him, a particularly stupid grin on his face.

Horatio frowned. "What?"

Eric pushed the door wider. Behind him, in the corridor, he could see the rest of his team, all of them, all wearing goofy smiles.

He said again, more forcefully, "What?"

Eric came in, holding out a copy of the MDPD in-house magazine - not something he ever read. Eric turned it back, opening at a page headed 'This Month's Promotions'.

Horatio smiled sheepishly. "Oh hell…"

"Why didn't you tell us, Captain Caine?"

"Didn't think it made much difference," he muttered. "Anyway, it sort of went with this assignment…"

"So you just forgot to mention it?"

He shrugged, mildly embarrassed, but pleased that they were pleased.

"And," Calleigh added, joining Eric, "you're wearing the wrong badge."

"New one hasn't come through yet."

"It has now." She held out the new gold badge. "It came via Human Resources… They gave it to me, seeing as I'm the boss. That's what made us check." She stepped forward and put her arms round him. "Oh, Horatio… No one deserves it more… Congratulations." She kissed his cheek.

Then he was surrounded, engulfed with hugs, handshakes, a kiss - which he hoped was Natalia, not Ryan…

Walter brought them back to earth. "'Captain Caine' - sounds like -"

"I know," Horatio said quickly. "Something out of a comic strip."

"I was thinking Star Trek…"

Horatio straightened his face into mock severity. "You're a disrespectful lot, aren't you?" Then he laughed. "Come on, let's go over the road… I'm buying."

They walked out together, Calleigh with her arm round his waist, Eric with his hand on his shoulder. His team… His family… Horatio felt a sudden rush of emotion. _For how much longer?_


	8. Chapter 8

CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE

Chapter 8

Horatio spent two days poring over the lab blueprints. Space… He needed to free up some space… Some of it was obvious. The lab boasted not one but two conference rooms. In ten years, he'd only ever used one, once. He could certainly scrap one, maybe both… His next target was the evidence store. It was over-full anyway. So, if it was moved out to one of the smaller labs… True, it wouldn't be quite as convenient, but a courier would get stuff to them within an hour… Simply a matter of getting used to it…

He went on chipping away at their limited space. But he was being pushed hard by Chief Hernandez. Expecting the usual impatient call, he pre-empted him, and phoned.

"Chief, can I borrow one of your secretaries? I want to give you a new plan…"

"Can't you just tell me what you've changed?"

"No. I need you to look at the whole thing. And approve it. Hopefully." He heard the hesitation. "Chief, you said I could do what I wanted…"

"I suppose I did. All right. You can borrow Alicia - she knows what we need in a report like this. Tomorrow?"

xxxxxxxxxx

Alicia was a revelation. Clearly much more than a note-taker, she immediately settled to the task of helping produce a professional, and, he hoped, persuasive, document. Only an hour or so in, she said, with a smile, "He won't be expecting this…"

"The Chief?"

"Mmm - he expected you to implement his version."

"He did say I could make alterations…" He looked at her with interest. "Did you see the original version?"

"Oh yes. I was in the meetings and I drew up the proposal document."

"What did you think?"

She glanced round as if to see if anyone was listening. "I thought it was rubbish. Sir."

Horatio laughed. "Don't 'Sir' me. Horatio's good enough. Why rubbish?"

"Well… things split all over the place… It looked sort of… arbitrary… Anything to make the figures work."

He grinned at her. "Alicia, I like you."

She blushed. "The Chief won't."

"If he wanted it rubber-stamped, he chose the wrong man. But he must have known that."

"He wanted a hatchet-man. Someone with the authority to do something as unpopular as it was going to be…"

"Did he say that?"

"I'm sorry, I'm being indiscreet…"

"You are, but I won't tell anyone. Trouble is, I'm not at all sure I can make my version work. I haven't nearly finished it, but I'm getting leant on."

"I think we can put a convincing argument together. Where there are gaps… we extrapolate."

"Extrapolate?"

"The people who read these things don't look at fine detail. So if we spell out the details in one area, we just say… or imply… that the same applies to others… If you see what I mean."

"I do. Alicia, you're obviously brilliant at this, but - forgive the question - is the Chief expecting -"

She interrupted him. "Am I his spy? Maybe he expects me to be… But, if we can get this together and soon - I won't have anything to spy on, will I?"

"You don't like him, do you?"

"Captain - Horatio… I've got a good job… Don't expect me to be that indiscreet. "

He realised he had found an unlikely ally. "Fair enough. Let's press on."

He was surprised how, under her expert guidance, his ideas began to come together. It wasn't perfect. They were still short of space at Dade. He still had to identify some area that he could safely move to another location. At the moment, he couldn't see what.

They broke for lunch. As Horatio reached for his car keys, Alicia looked surprised. "You don't use the commissary?"

"No. It's cheap, but it's not very good. I think only the PD uniforms eat there regularly…"

"Shouldn't it be housed in their part of the building then, not yours?"

He stared at her, then broke into a smile. "Sweetheart, you're a genius!"

xxxxxxxxxx

After two days, working hard, and late into the evenings, they had a finished proposal. Horatio had to admit it looked good. Somehow, they had shoe-horned the extra staff into Miami-Dade; there was no major building work; two of the three outlying labs could be closed; the other would house the evidence store and a few other ancillaries; and the all-important bottom line seemed attainable. But there would be over forty redundancies, and that was his next task.

Meanwhile, he presented Alicia with a bouquet of flowers, and asked her to deliver the document in person. And promised himself a quiet weekend off, while the dust settled. He was dog-tired, but secretly delighted with what he - they - had achieved.

Alicia called him on Monday. "Well, he's read it…"

"Is he pissed?"

She chuckled. "You could say that. But he's duty-bound to put it to committee. Horatio… I don't know if you're going to be cross with me, but I suggested you should come over and present it to the committee yourself…"

"I hate that sort of thing."

"I guessed you would. But you're the one who's actually worked in these labs. They need to hear it from the horse's mouth. As it were. Sorry…"

He laughed. "No, you're right. Okay. Give me time and place."

"If you need any charts… display stuff… I can do it for you."

"No, I'll just talk. Rely on my natural charm. Alicia, thank you again."

xxxxxxxxxx

He really did hate this sort of thing. Speaking in public didn't bother him. It was more that he was facing a group of people who were, basically, out to prove him wrong. Or that was what he sensed. Apart from Chief Hernandez, there were several others who held police ranks, all higher than his own. There were also two accountants, one buildings manager… What there wasn't, as far as he could tell, was anyone who had ever worked as a CSI. But Alicia was there, giving him an encouraging smile…

He spoke only briefly, emphasising the importance of having all lab work under the same roof, of enabling people to bounce ideas off one another. Then he let them question him. And, gradually, with his finely tuned instincts about human nature, he began to learn things… That Hernandez was not a popular man… And that they might, just _might, _be ready to back his proposals instead.


	9. Chapter 9

CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE

Chapter 9

It wasn't an easy ride. The questions and debate had been going on for two hours. He sensed he was winning them round, even when they challenged him with matters he hadn't considered - like, did he realise that extra staff would mean the provision of two extra bathrooms… like, had he considered that the police department had no room for the commissary, even though it was them that used it most… Several times, he had felt like snapping, 'not my problem' or 'hardly important', or other undiplomatic responses. He knew he wasn't great at diplomacy, or bureaucracy, and the effort not to blow it now was exhausting, and acutely stressful. Stress he would be better avoiding…

He could feel his chest beginning to tighten. Sensed it on each breath. He dearly wanted to ignore it - the timing couldn't be worse - but didn't dare. He surreptitiously felt his pocket, and was relieved that the bottle of pills was there. He knew, if he waited, he could stand the discomfort for a while… but he'd start to sweat, go pale… and how would that look?

He waited for a lull in the discussion, then said, "Gentlemen…", and looking at Alicia, "Ma'am… Would you excuse me for a quick bathroom break?"

There were murmurs of 'good idea' and he and several others stood up. He'd rather have been alone, but it couldn't be helped. He glanced back at Alicia, and saw her mouth 'it's going well' or 'you're doing well' - he wasn't sure.

He walked to the bathroom, avoiding talking with the others heading the same way, and shut himself in a cubicle. He slipped a pill under his tongue, sat on the closed toilet seat, and tried to relax. He knew he'd pushed his luck… the pain wasn't that bad this time, but he felt very sick and there was cold sweat prickling his forehead. _Just don't throw up… _There were a couple of others in the bathroom, and he knew how it would be interpreted. The medication started to work its magic, though less thoroughly than he'd hoped. He waited, trying for slow steady breaths. But it had been almost five minutes… _Can't lose this now. _He sensed the bathroom was now empty, went out and rinsed his face. He put another pill under his tongue, took a steadying breath, and headed back.

Another hour, and he had them on his side. He hardly believed it himself, but it seemed they liked the plan. He suspected that putting one over on Hernandez played a part, but he didn't care. There were still plenty of problems to solve, but now he would get official backing. He knew he'd made a powerful enemy, but he'd also saved the business of criminal investigation in Miami - he hoped. If he hadn't been nursing a throbbing headache, he would have bounced down the stairs like a five year old.

He drove back to the lab, and into problems. Apparently, Calleigh had had to leave… something to do with one of the children… Now Eric wanted to go too.

Horatio was more short-tempered than usual. "What sort of problem is it?"

"Something at the school - alleged bullying, I think…"

"Why do you need to go?"

"Just… support… You know." Eric clearly expected his approval.

"Well, you can't. I'm not having both of you dashing off every time there's a small problem." He realised how harsh he'd sounded. "Sorry, Eric, but look… I was out… Calleigh's out… That left you in charge. You think it's reasonable just to leave?"

"I suppose not."

"You're right. It's not."

"But you're back…"

"Eric, I'm very tired. And very busy. If Calleigh calls, and it's something serious, then come and tell me. Otherwise… I think you've probably got more important things to do." He turned and went into his office.

_Damn it… _He hated hurting Eric's feelings, but he felt he'd spent all morning fighting to save this place, and their jobs. The angina attack had left behind its usual headache and slight nausea, and his sympathy levels were at rock bottom. But he was reminded that he still hadn't made any progress on finding temporary staff. He made a coffee, then picked up the phone to deliver an impatient reminder to Human Resources.

xxxxxxxxxxx

It abruptly ceased to be fun. There was absolutely nothing enjoyable about making people redundant. He toyed with the easy options; last in, first out - it seemed deeply unfair, and he might lose a bright up-and-coming star; inviting voluntary redundancy - well, he would, but in the present job market, he doubted he'd have more than one or two takers; axing everyone over fifty - which would include himself, he supposed - but which would, in any case, simply lose those with the greatest experience…

He found himself thinking about the supervision of the Dade lab, now his 'super-lab'. Hernandez had originally seen it downgraded, hence the loss of his own job. Now… well, it would need at least a lieutenant in charge. He wondered briefly, if it would warrant a captain… He smiled to himself - if it didn't, he could always get himself demoted. But that was way down the line anyway… There were more important things to think about first.

He went back to the personnel records - full records this time. Appraisals, disciplinary matters… He had thought he might be able to select his 'victims' scientifically, but quickly realised there was to be no easy route. He needed to go face-to-face, at least with the supervisors. And he dreaded it.

Then, surprising him, Chief Hernandez announced that the restructuring plans were to be made public. Since removing the need for secrecy ought to make his life easier, Horatio decided to wait until that had happened before he did anything else. He knew he could really do with taking the week off - he had plenty of holiday owing - but it somehow felt wrong. He was aware of the strain he had put on his team, and felt he could hardly, in those circumstances, swan off on vacation. So he did the next best thing. He returned to being a CSI.

And, with the need for secrecy gone, he suddenly seemed to have his team back. They were curious, though surprisingly unconcerned about the changes. Nothing like self-confidence, he thought…

"We'll have more staff, right?" Eric asked.

"In the areas where we're short, yes. More cases too, mind you… Couldn't justify one without the other."

Eric nodded happily. "I can live with that."

"That's if I decide to keep you…" Horatio murmured, watching Eric's face. He laughed. "I'm joking - I think your job's safe." Unintentionally, he put a slight emphasis on 'your'.

Calleigh looked at him thoughtfully, then said quietly. "Is yours?"

He shrugged. "Calleigh, at this moment, I truly don't know."


	10. Chapter 10

CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE

Chapter 10

In the event, the last phase of the project was less taxing than he had anticipated. The fact that they all knew what was happening produced a predictable effect - everyone was extra pleasant and helpful to him. Even the staff in the other labs went out of their way to impress him, without any of their former hostility. He found it rather sad. He realised that his rank, and the job he was doing, had combined to make him an intimidating presence. Intimidation was something he reserved for suspects, and he was unhappy to realise it now affected employees as well. There was little he could do about it, except to get this last, painful process done as quickly and fairly as possible.

It took a month - a month of almost constant visits and interviews - for him to produce lists of both the proposed make-up of the main teams, and the recommended redundancies. Its status was only 'recommended', although he assumed it would go through unchallenged. There was nothing contentious in it, that he could see. Chief Hernandez had final approval, but, since he knew even less about the people involved than Horatio, he didn't foresee any difficulties.

He had not bargained on the Chief's personal animosity towards him. Animosity that had started when Horatio's proposal was accepted over the one that Hernandez had endorsed. Animosity that Horatio had largely been able to ignore, because, since the committee meeting, he had official backing from higher up the command chain for everything he was doing.

But now he was summoned, and found the Chief in no mood to sign off his recommendations, without a challenge or two. He wasn't really worried - he knew he could justify every one of the names. Although… He had a bad feeling about the meeting, and he couldn't put his finger on it.

It started tamely. Hernandez picked out a name on the redundancy list. "I've known this man for fifteen years… He loves his job and he's good at it…"

"He is." It was fortunate that Horatio had an excellent memory for names, though he had his notes with him, in case. "But he lives the other side of town, and he's not happy about relocating to Dade. He wants to move to Houston - near his daughter - he'll be happy with the redundancy money. Ask him." _Don't be a smartass, Horatio… This could get nasty…_

It did, rapidly. "I notice none of your own team is on the list… I presume you included them in your considerations?"

"Of course."

"And they all passed muster? I find that hard to believe…"

_Do you, you bastard… _But he kept his tone mild as he said, "First, they're already at Dade; second, none of them is near retirement age, nor newly employed; and third…" He could feel his temper nearing the surface, "they're all damned good at their jobs, or they wouldn't be on my team."

He expected an argument, and was prepared to defend Ryan's past indiscretions, or the effects of Eric's injuries. Fully prepared - he'd defend them to within an inch of his life, or probably an inch of his job, in this case - but the challenge didn't materialise. Instead, the Chief, putting the list aside, said, "Calleigh Duquesne…"

"What about her?"

"You're putting her in overall charge of ballistics?"

"She's the best you've got. The best I've ever seen."

"But she wants to go part-time, I believe."

Horatio had to fight to hold his temper in check. He suspected Hernandez knew nothing about Calleigh's abilities, and someone - he wondered who - had obviously let him know which buttons to push. But lose his temper now, and he'd lose Calleigh her job, he suspected.

"Slightly shorter hours… She's got a young family…"

"Do you think that's a wise choice as supervisor?"

"I do. She'll do five hours a day. She'll have a good second-in-command…"

"And when she's gone home, to her maternal duties, and something serious comes in?"

"As I said, a good second-in-command. And something serious could come in any hour of the day or night… As you know. Chief."

They argued for five minutes, but Horatio quickly realised it was just token sparring, the Chief showing he still had some authority over him. His only concession, finally, was that Calleigh's position would be 'reviewed' in six months.

At last, Chief Hernandez leant back in his chair. "Well, Captain…" He was always 'Captain' now, never 'Horatio'. "Job done. Human Resources will handle the redundancy notices." He smiled thinly. "I won't make you do the executions yourself." He hesitated, studying the man opposite him. "Do you know Alec De Santos?"

Horatio frowned. "I know the name… Oh yes, LAPD's golden boy… He came over to have a look round when they were reorganizing their own crime lab…" This time, he heard the ax falling.

"He's agreed to come to us. Permanently. To run the lab. With a promotion, of course…"

_Which made De Santos a captain… in his mid-forties, if he remembered him right… _Horatio drew a short careful breath. "Good choice." He was silent for a moment, then stood up. "I won't embarrass you further, Chief… I won't expect you to 'find a slot' for me… I think retirement might be calling."

"Just hold on a minute - there's still plenty to do. Months of work. And you'll need to do a full handover…"

Horatio carefully unclipped his holstered gun, and slipped the badge off his belt, laying them on the desk. "Sorry, Chief, find someone else. I can't do this anymore." Without waiting for a response, he turned and left the room.

xxxxxxxxxxx

It was fully dark when Horatio walked across the road from his condo, towards the beach. He crossed a narrow stretch of scrubby parkland, and stepped onto the sand. It was deserted, and one of his favorite 'thinking' spots. He sat down on the sand, his back to a palm tree, and listened to the sea.

After his meeting with Chief Hernandez, he hadn't gone back to the lab. Hadn't done anything really… Home… Switched his phone off… Changed into jeans, wondering when he'd next need his expensive suit… Well, truth be told, probably tomorrow - he supposed he would have to go in… explain… clear his personal stuff… say goodbye… Actually, he imagined all hell might break loose. Tomorrow…

He didn't regret his actions, although the dramatic gesture had been pretty pointless… He felt he'd given just about everything he had to give. If it wasn't enough, there was precious little he could do about it. And he still felt surprisingly calm. Perhaps a bit numb. Sad. He thought the shock might come later. He pulled his cell phone out and flipped it open. He ought to tell people. Alexx, Eric… The names rolled up the screen. Kyle… God, he hadn't told Kyle _any_ of this - but his son was only twenty-two, enjoying his freedom from the army - he hardly needed the burden of his father's problems… Yelina - had she really got a new man, at last…? The names blurred as his eyes filled with sudden tears, and he snapped the phone shut, dropping it on the sand.

He drew his knees up, rested his head on them, and, alone in the darkness, allowed the tears to flow.

THE END

(for now)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**(Author's note: jasmine105 mused that I might have been thinking about CBS when I wrote this. Well, it was subconscious, but if you sort of substitute CBS for Hernandez and CSI Miami for Horatio… there's something in that. Meeting the bottom line. Past performance pretty meaningless. Decision coming out of the blue… etc. (I'm reading too much into it, I'm sure, and it **_**was**_** subconscious…)**

**I **_**may**_** think about a sequel… Hernandez may well have overstepped the mark… Not sure yet. Any comments welcome. My thanks to those who have commented so far.)**


End file.
